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SMS jokes, Blonde Jokes, One Liners, Send Free sms, Funny Msn Quotes | Radio Malesia.com

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SMS jokes, Blonde Jokes, One Liners, Send Free sms, Funny Msn Quotes

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: On the back she saw “911” and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: What does Star Trek’s Dr Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: Space. The final frontier……….

Q: What did the blond do when she missed the 66 Bus?
A: She took the 33 bus twice instead.

Q: Why do ya reckon Blonds don’t have elevator jobs?
A: Cos they’ve no idea of the route.

Q: How do you make a blonde’s eyes Twinkle?
A: You shine a torchlight in her ear.

Q: Did you hear about the blond Bear?
A: Got stuck in a hunter’s trap, chewed off it’s 2 paws and 1 leg, and was still stuck.

Q: How does a stereotypical blonde spell Farm?
A: E-I-E-I-O.

Q: How do you measure their intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in their ear.

It’s with great tragedy that I report my blonde next door neighbour tried to kill her toy poodle.
She tried putting batteries in it.

To amuse a Blonde for hours, give her a sheet of paper with ‘Please turn over’ scribbled on both sides.

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: Frosted Flakes.

Q: What do you call a blonde holding a brief case, up a tree?
A: The Branch Manager.

Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proof-reading.

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: Why do blondes love lightning?
A: They reckon somebody is taking their photo.

It’s with tremendous sadness that I report a local blond girl has lost 95% of her brains….yes, her husband just died.

Q: What’s brown, red, black and blue?
A: A Brunette who’s been tellin one too many blonde jokes.

NEWSFLASH: Blonde girl fired from Banana plantation for throwing out all the bent ones.

Q: Why couldn’t the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes?
A: She couldn’t find the recipe.

One Liners

Gorgeous, intelligent, kind, sweet, charming, witty, hilarious, friendly…well enough about ME! How are you? 

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW! 

How do u occupy an idiot? Press down – Press up…Press Down…! 

***NEWSFLASH*** Tell ALL your female friends that i can get 100 tampons for £1
… No Strings attached
…but for a limited period ONLY!
…A bloody good deal! 

Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry
370HSSV 0773H 

FRIEND SEARCH: Friend detector activated…calibration complete, now searching…..still searching….still searching……sorry, no friends found. 

Hw do U kp a txtr in suspense? I’ll tel U l8r. 

Press down..More…Ok more…WOW yes ahh ohh yes….almost there….oh god harder..faster..FEELS GOOD…oh goddd!…That’s how I sex on text! 

Ths msg cn only b read by a SEXY person –
Nothing? Soz, I guess UR just not SEXY But hey, i Didnt force it ugly, so get lost! 

I once had One2One with a Virgin, she teased me till i had an Erikson, sucked me til my face went Orange, til I busted my Siemen all over her Nokias! 

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you’ll be disconnected! 

HELP: Cops are after a suspect who smart, witty, sexy and good lookin…so where you gonna hide ME?  

This is your CellPhone Operator. We just found out you’re too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it. Thank you 

Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde? 

A: There is a stamp on it. 

A husband was asked: Do u talk to wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone 

Why’d they call it PMS? Cos Mad cow disease was already taken! 

I went to ur house justnow – can’t enter cos door says *CUTE FOLK NOT ALLOWED* – pls take sign down next time ok! 

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. 

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. 

Always remember you’re unique – just like everyone else. 

I heard you took an IQ test and they said you’re results were negative. 

How many letters in the Alphabet? 19, cuz ET went home on a UFO and the FBI went after him. 

Don’t feel sad…don’t feel blue…Frankenstein was ugly too… 

U got Sex Appeal…U got Class…U got Moves…U got da Face, da Body….sh*t…I got wrong number…SORRY :) 

I need a kiss, I need touched, I need your love, I need warmth, I need hugs, I need sex, I need YOU! 

On the cellphone pad of life, always keep one finger on the disconnect key. 

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children. 

Nope…..u still ugly! 

Text Message Jokes

Y did the jelly baby go 2 school? Cuz he wanted to be a smarty. 

What u call dog with no legs? Don’t matter wot u call him, he ain’t gonna come. 

Bride’s Dad hands a note to the groom: ‘GOODS DELIVERED ARE NOT RETURNABLE.’ Groom gave another note back to father: ‘CONTRACT VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN.’ 

Girls think boys are fit. Boys think girls are sexy. But hey, no worries – I sure science will come up with somin to help u. 

I think it is time I tell you what people are saying behind your back…! Nice Ass. 

How to impress woman: kiss her, hug her, compliment her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her
How to impress a man: Show up naked with beer. 

How do u keep an idiot amused? Watch this message until it goes away! 

It’s better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it. 

Whats the best thing about babies? MAKING EM! 

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck! 

Text Messaging Jokes

You are here: X 

Hickory Dickory Dock, dis bitch woz suckin me c**k, da clock struck 2, i dumped me goo, & dropped her at da end of da block. 

In Ikea they have a Shelf storage system called Nob – So that’s the only shop you can go into and ask the assistant to wheel your Nob to the car cuz it’s too heavy. 

Crime doesn’t pay…Does that mean my job is a crime? 

Jesus loves you…everyone else thinks you’re an asshole! 

Inflexibility is the hallmark of the Tiny Mind. 

Q: Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation? 

A: Because she threw out all the bent ones. 

What did the bartender say to the jumper cables when they walked into the bar? Ok u 2, don’t start anything. 

Am I getting smart with you? ….How would you know? 

Bud, what happen??? tried callin many time, everytime i get operator sayin ‘Sorry, The Subscriber U R Calling is having Sex, Please try again later.’ 

Bloke calls work : “Boss, cannae come in tae work. I’m sick”
Boss asks: “How sick are u?”
Bloke: “I’m F****ing my Sis, how sick is that???” 

Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and lets play that game! 

Roses are red, Pickles are green, I like ur legs and all that’s between! 

I like your style, you got sheer class, but babe, my god, I WANT YOUR ASS! 

Hey, there is Hot-sex, Group-sex, safe-sex, phone-sex, speedy-sex, crazy-sex and for people wid ur face – NO SEX! 

When an apple is green, it’s ready to pluck, When a girl is sixteen she’s ready to ..WOOPS…wrong number…. 

U good at math? Well, add a bed, subtract ur cloths, divide ur legs and we can multiply! 

Yes, this is my pickup. No, I will not help you move. 

Sorry, I don’t date outside my species. 

One Liners Jokes

Important Message: Conserve your toilet paper – use both sides. 

I’ve got the ship, you’ve got the harbor … what say we tie up for the night?If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.  

I might be in the basement. I’ll go upstairs and check. 

The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures. 

There are no personal problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives. 

Just because you’re smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid. 

You may be recognized soon. Hide. 

Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won’t spoil me. 

He who laughs last thinks slowest. 

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women. 

I pretend to work here – they pretend to pay me. 

Is somebody not editing what I’m saying here??? 

Someday, we’ll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject. 

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. 

You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry. 

Funny one liners

My mom never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch 

If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me 

Mind intentionally left blank… 

I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem 

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. 

Nostalgia ain’t what it used to be. 

If I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you. 

Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time – I think I’ve forgotten this before. 

If practice makes perfect, and nobody’s perfect, why practice? 

The best way to a man’s heart is to saw his breast plate open. 

It was an accident officer. I was cleaning my fingernails. With ahunting knife. And he ran into me. Backwards. 17 times. 

Born Free……..Taxed to Death. 

We will now upgrade your brain, please wait…searching…searching…still searching…sorry NO BRAIN found 

I remind u that the most powerful force in the universe is sms gossip. 

Just reminding u there is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness. 

My girlfriend always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading. 

Hi – I am a virus and am entering your brain right now…wait, hold on, sorry unable to find brain…leaving now… 

Note – The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key. 

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? ‘Hold my purse.’ 

Remember: Don’t Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.

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